Club-Admiralty

v6.2.1 - moving along, a point increase at a time

Sev Trek: The X Generation


With the end of the original series trek,the Sev Trek crew moved onto the X Generation. Before I start re-posting from the archive, here is an introduction to the crew. 20 years ago when I first came across these I thought they were funny.  Some of them now seem quite sophomoric... 😐 . I guess some things don't get better with age 😜



Jet Lag Pinchhard
As Captain of the Enterforaprize, with an age greater than the rest of the crew combined, Captain En Route Pickhard politically correctly goes where noone has politically correctly gone before.


Willing Piker
Although he considers himself the Casanova of the Cosmos, First Officer Willing Piker is at a loss to explain why Captain Pickhard manages more romances per season.

Beta
An android unable to feel emotion, Lieutenant Commander Beta is on a quest to become more human. That's right, an idea stolen right from Pinocchio (although it was even more accurately stolen from Asimov's Positronic Man).


Gaudy Regurge
Chief Engineer Gaudy routinely performs the impossible: saving the Enterforaprize from certain destruction all the while wearing a cheese grater stuck to his face. Unfortunately, Gaudy’s skill with warp coil inducers does not help him with relationships, as is seen in Sev Trek: The Comic Strip.

Barf
Being the only Clingon (an alien race with nearly exactly human physiology apart from a distinguishing cowpat formation on the forehead) in Sev Fleet makes Barf a unique crew member (apart from Beta, the only android in Sev Fleet and Gaudy, the only man with a cheese grater for glasses in Sev Fleet)

Doyawanna Tryhard
Coming a close second to Measly Crusher as the most irritating member of the Enterforaprize, Counsellor Tryhard poses a problem for the script writers: what use is she?

Heavily Cruncher
Ship’s doctor and mother of the intensely annoying Measly Cruncher (for which she must be punished!), Doctor Cruncher has somehow toed the line between friends and lovers with Captain Pickhard for seven consecutive seasons.

Measly Crusher
One of the most popular members of the crew, boy wonder Measly Cruncher (what's a sci-fi series without one?) has inspired his own Usenet newsgroup: alt.measly.cruncher.die.die.die.

Ensign Row Larynx
Ensign Row came aboard the Enterforaprize to spice up the interpersonal relationships among the crew, but before long her personality became as bland as the rest of them.

Subplot
The feline equivalent of the red shirt ensign, Beta's cat Subplot has suffered some horrific mutilations. While devolving into a lizard was traumatic, that was nothing compared to the inexplicable change of sex between seasons.

Guano
The smug, all knowing bartender Guano has lived many centures, and yet still has appalling taste in headwear. What's with the hat? A deflector dish? A pizza tray? A serving platter? Or maybe just something to make the Sev Fleet uniform look good.

Caffeine Pavlovaski
The female version of Doctor McCorduroy was introduced to make Captain Pickhard look young and vital. The experiment failed and Pavloaski was discarded... Noone can make Pickhard look young!.



(original archive here)


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